Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
