I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
