What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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