We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
