we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
