a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
