life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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