you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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