My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
