i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
