I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
