yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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