I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize
