just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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