I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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