so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
