you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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