He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize