Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
