Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
don't judge my taste in strippers
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
