Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
