My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
