Rock
Scissors
Fuck
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The uberlube is also flammable
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
