I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize