Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
