Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize