yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
