i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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