Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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