"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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