so explain again why im purple
no
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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