i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
