So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
