You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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