I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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