You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
