She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
