Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
