hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
