sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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