I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
