I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
