I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
