I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
