that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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