he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
