dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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