If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
