Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
