so that wasnt chicken after all
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
cat food counts as protein by the way
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
