I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize