Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
