mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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