Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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