I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
