You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
