a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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