I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize