CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
