Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
