everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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