Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
